You need a good laugh??????

Think before you speak...
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,my sister has never let me forget

FOURTH TESTIMONY
While in line at the bank one afternoon,my little girl had some pent-up energy and ran amok.I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,so I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.
Then I said,'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Are u ashamed, I am not!!!!!!!!!!

I vote for M cCain

To All My Friends, this is long, but very important, please take the time to read it.
This election has me very worried. So many things to consider. About a year ago I would have voted for Obama. I have changed my mind three times since than. I watch all the news channels, jumping from one to another. I must say this drives my husband crazy. But, I feel if you view MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News, you might get some middle ground to work with. About six months ago, I started thinking 'where did the money come from for Obama'. I have four daughters who went to College, and we were middle class, and money was tight. We (including my girls) worked hard and there were lots of student loans.

I started looking into Obama's life.
Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California. He is very open about his two years at Occidental, he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan. During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a 'round the world' trip. Stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question - Where did he get the money for this trip? Nether I, nor any one of my children would have had money for a trip like this when they where in college. When he came back he started school at Columbia University in New York. It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia? It's not cheap! to say the least. Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans? Maybe. After Columbia, he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000. a year. Why Chicago? Why not New York? He was already living in New York.

By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo Syria, and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year. Rezko, was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade' by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association'. About two years later, Obama entered Harvard Law School. Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School? Where did he get the money for Law School? More student loans? After Law school, he went back to Chicago. Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland. Guess what? They represented 'Rezar' which Rezko's firm. Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago. In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U.S. Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwoood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price). With ALL those Student Loans - Where did he get the money for the property? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko.

Now, we have Obama running for President. Valerie Jarrett, was Michele Obama's boss. She is now Obama's chief advisor and he does not make any major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this? Shiraz, Iran! Do we see a pattern here? Or am I going crazy?

On May 10, 2008 The Times reported, Robert Malley advisor to Obama was 'sacked' after the press found out he was having regular contacts with 'Hamas', which controls Gaza and is connected with Iran. This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq, he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will 'Take care of things'.

Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that where born in Pakistan? They are in charge of all those 'small' Internet campaign contribution for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country? Or could it be from the Middle East?

And the final bit of news. On September 7, 2008, The Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on 'This Week' with George Stephanapoulos. Obama on talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith'. When questioned, 'he make a mistake'. Some mistake!

All of the above information I got on line. If you would like to check it - Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barack Obama; Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett: Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times May 10, 2008.

Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information on my own, Why haven't all of our 'intelligent' members of the press been reporting this?

A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - 'Beware of the enemy from within'!!!

Very important virus warning!!!!!!!!

This information arrived this morning, Direct from both Microsoft and Norton.
Please send it to everybody you know who has access to the Internet.

You may receive an apparently harmless e-mail with a Power Point
presentation ' Life is Beautiful'
If you receive it DO NOT OPEN THE FILE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, and delete it immediately.

If you open this file, a message will appear on your screen saying:
'It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful.'
Subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC, And the person who
This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon.
AOL has already confirmed the severity, and the anti virus software's
are not capable of destroying it.

The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself 'life owner'.

PLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS E-MAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, And ask them to
PASS IT ON IMMEDIATELY!

THIS HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY SNOPES
http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/mailserver.asp

Are u going to heaven?

The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.

As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'

He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me.

He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney,
a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.


The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.

As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'

The prosecutor rose and said, 'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this woman belongs in hell.'

He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not Offering any form of defense at all.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This woman belongs in hell,
she is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.'

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench.

The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan,
and beckoned Him to come forward.

As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.

I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.

'Satan was correct in saying that this woman had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations.

And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this woman deserves to be punished.

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with
outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and she has accepted Me as her Savior, so she is Mine.'

My Lord continued with, 'Her name is written in the Book of Life,and no one can snatch her from Me.

Satan still does not understand yet. This woman is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'

As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,'There is nothing else that needs to be done.' 'I've done it all.'

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..

'This woman is free.'

'The penalty for her has already been paid in full.'

'Case dismissed.'

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, 'I won't give up, I will win the next one.' I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, 'Have you ever lost a case?'

Christ lovingly smiled and said,

'Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,

~Paid In Full~

My summer song!!!!!!

I Love this song even though the music came from werewolf in london it is still the bomb

take the time to read this

Take a few minutes.....WELL WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!

I sat, with two friends, in the picture window of a quaint restaurant
just off the corner of the town-square. The food and the company were both especially good that day.
As we talked, my attention was drawn outside, across the street.
There, walking into town, was a man who appeared to be carrying all his
worldly goods on his back. He was carrying, a well-worn sign that read, 'I
will work for food.' My heart sank.

I brought him to the attention of my friends and noticed that others
around us had stopped eating to focus on him. Heads moved in a mixture of
sadness and disbelief. We continued with our meal, but his image lingered in
my mind.
We finished our meal and went our separate ways. I had errands to do
and quickly set out to accomplish them. I glanced toward the town square, looking somewhat halfheartedly for the strange visitor. I was fearful, knowing that seeing him again would call some response. I drove
through town and saw nothing of him. I made some purchases at a store and got back
in my car.

Deep within me, the Spirit of God kept speaking to me: 'Don't go back
to the office until you've at least driven once more around the square.' Then
with some hesitancy, I headed back into town. As I turned the square's
third corner, I saw him. He was standing on the steps of the store front church, going through his sack.

I stopped and looked; feeling both compelled to speak to him, yet wanting to drive on. The empty parking space on the corner seemed to be a sign from God: an invitation to park. I pulled in, got out and approached the town's newest visitor.

'Looking for the pastor?' I asked.
'Not really,' he replied, 'just resting.'
'Have you eaten today?''Oh, I ate something early this morning.'
'Would you like to have lunch with me?
'Do you have some work I could do for you?'
'No work,' I replied. 'I commute here to work from the city, but I
would like to take you to lunch.'
'Sure,' he replied with a smile.
As he began to gather his things, I asked some surface questions.
Where you headed?'
' St. Louis .'
'Where you from?'
'Oh, all over; mostly Florida .'
'How long you been walking?'
'Fourteen years,' came the reply.
I knew I had met someone unusual. We sat across from each other in the
same restaurant I had left earlier. His face was weathered slightly beyond
his 38 years. His eyes were dark yet clear, and he spoke with an eloquence and
articulation that was startling. He removed his jacket to reveal a bright
red T-shirt that said, 'Jesus is The Never Ending Story.'
Then Daniel's story began to unfold. He had seen rough times early in life.
He'd made some wrong choices and reaped the consequences. Fourteen years
earlier, while backpacking across the country, he had stopped on the beach
in Daytona. He tried to hire on with some men who were putting up a large
tent and some equipment. A concert, he thought.He was hired, but the tent would not house a concert but revival services,and in those services he saw life more clearly. He gave his life over to God'Nothing's been the same since,' he said, 'I felt the Lord telling me to keep walking, and so I did, some 14 years now.'
'Ever think of stopping?' I asked.
'Oh, once in a while, when it seems to get the best of me But God has given
me this calling. I give out Bibles. That's what's in my sack. I work to buy
food and Bibles, and I give them out when His Spirit leads.'

I sat amazed. My homeless friend was not homeless. He was on a mission and
lived this way by choice. The question burned inside for a moment and then I
asked: 'What's it like?'
'What?'
'To walk into a town carrying all your things on your back and to show
your sign ?'
'Oh, it was humiliating at first. People would stare and make comments Once
someone tossed a piece of half-eaten bread and made a gesture that certainly
didn't make me feel welcome. But then it became humbling to realize that God was using me to touch lives and change people's concepts of other folks like me.'

My concept was changing, too. We finished our dessert and gathered his things. Just outside the door, he paused. He turned to me and said,
'Come Ye blessed of my Father and inherit the kingdom I've prepared for you.
For when I was hungry you gave me food, when I was thirsty you gave me drink, a
stranger and you took me in.'
I felt as if we were on holy ground. 'Could you use another Bible?' I
asked.He said he preferred a certain translation. It traveled well and was
not too heavy. It was also his personal favorite. 'I've read through it 14 times,'
he said.
'I'm not sure we've got one of those, but let's stop by our church and see'
I was able to find my new friend a Bible that would do well, and he
seemed very grateful.'Where are you headed from here?' I asked.
'Well, I found this little map on the back of this amusement park coupon.'
'Are you hoping to hire on there for awhile?''No, I just figure I should go there. I figure someone under that star right there needs a Bible, so that's where I'm going next.'He smiled, and the warmth of his spirit radiated the sincerity of his
mission. I drove him back to the town-square where we'd met two hours earlier, and as we drove, it started raining. We parked and unloaded his things.
'Would you sign my autograph book?' he asked. 'I like to keep messages from folks I meet.'I wrote in his little book that his commitment to his calling had
touched my life. I encouraged him to stay strong. And I left him with a verse of
scripture from Jeremiah, 'I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you; Plans to give you a future and a hope.'

'Thanks, man,' he said. 'I know we just met and we're really just strangers,
but I love you.''I know,' I said, 'I love you, too.' 'The Lord is good!'
'Yes, He is. How long has it been since someone hugged you?' I asked.
'A long time,' he replied
And so on the busy street corner in the drizzling rain, my new friend
and I embraced, and I felt deep inside that I had been changed. He put his
things on his back, smiled his winning smile and said, 'See you in the New
Jerusalem.'I'll be there!' was my reply.He began his journey again. He headed away with his sign dangling from his bedroll and pack of Bibles. He stopped, turned and said, 'When you see something that makes you think of me, will you pray for me?'
'You bet,' I shouted back, 'God bless.''God bless.' And that was the last I saw of him. Late that evening as I left my office, the wind blew strong. The cold
front had settled hard upon the town. I bundled up and hurried to my car. As I
sat back and reached for the emergency brake, I saw them... a pair of
well-worn brown work gloves neatly laid over the length of the handle. I picked
them up and thought of my friend and wondered if his hands would stay warm that
night without them.Then I remembered his words: 'If you see something that makes you
think of me, will you pray for me?'Today his gloves lie on my desk in my office. They help me to see the world and its people in a new way, and they help me remember those two hours with my unique friend and to pray for his ministry. 'See you in the New
Jerusalem,' he said. Yes, Daniel, I know I will...